Kommasetzung, wortstellung

assets/interactions/cinema.ink

@@ -23,11 +23,11 @@ The lobby has a very retro, synth-wave, neon, 70s look to it. The carpet alone m
 * [>>>]
 -
 
-Better look to the ceiling with its wavey cutouts backlit by colorful LED.
+Better look to the ceiling with its wavy cutouts backlit by colorful LED.
 
-The ticket booth is unmanned of cause, as is the snack dispensary. Which seems well stocked at least. The popcorn even looks fresh. Well, it smells fresh at least. The scent of pleasantly burned sugar is heavy in the air.
+The ticket booth is unmanned of course, as is the snack dispensary. Which seems well stocked at least. The popcorn even looks fresh. Well, it smells fresh at least. The scent of pleasantly burned sugar is heavy in the air.
 
-The ribbon barrier is closed but easy enough to bypass. Is it closed? It looks open. Though abandoned. But not for long. Not the abandonment of disrepair, only the monetary abandonment place like this experience between beginning and end of the shows. When all the visitors sit in their seats and the staff takes this moment to slip away for a quick smoke break. Something like that. Full behind doors but empty in the open.
+The ribbon barrier is closed but easy enough to bypass. Is it closed? It looks open. Though abandoned. But not for long. Not the abandonment of disrepair, only the momentary abandonment place like this experience between beginning and end of the shows. When all the visitors sit in their seats and the staff takes this moment to slip away for a quick smoke break. Something like that. Full behind doors but empty in the open.
 
 * [>>>]
 -
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ You can even hear sounds that must be a film playing. Screams and gunfire. You h
 * [Go to the ticket booth]
     The graspable of the ticket booth is plastered with advertisements, movie posters and prohibition signs informing visitors of behaviours and attire within the cinema. The slip you took for a "closed" sign that hangs in the middle of the glass says the following.
 
-    "No tickets required. Precede with caution."
+    "No tickets required. Proceed with caution."
 
     On the little table where someone would place their tickets, there is another slip reading:
 
@@ -66,10 +66,10 @@ You can even hear sounds that must be a film playing. Screams and gunfire. You h
 
 The foliar is big. With couches to wait and meet and lounge on. The room is only broken up by advertising columns. Some of them display movie posters, though most are empty.
 
-A long bar stretches the length of the back wall. Behind it chips and candy are stacked on shelves like thoughs of an actual bar. It even has a mirrored backwall, which visually multiplies the colourful packaging. This pattern is only broken by enormous popcorn machines, which are full to the brim.
+A long bar stretches the length of the back wall. Behind it chips and candy are stacked on shelves like those of an actual bar. It even has a mirrored backwall, which visually multiplies the colourful packaging. This pattern is only broken by enormous popcorn machines, which are full to the brim.
 
 Do you want to grab a snack?
-* [Of cause]
+* [Of course]
     ~ snaks = 1
     ** [Sweet] You grab a sweet snack. You are lucky. They have your favourite.
         ~ had_sweets = 1
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ To both sides of the room are stairs. This is a multi-floor cinema.
     {not (f1 > 0 or f2 > 0):
         You choose the left staircase to ascend.
 
-        Pictures of actors in film scenes decorate the walls. They are probably supposed to be famous. Iconically recognisable. You know now of them. However, some catch your eye as familiar until you take a second look. They are certainly not cheap generic-property knockoffs to avoid copyright infringement. It's just a coincidence.
+        Pictures of actors in film scenes decorate the walls. They are probably supposed to be famous. Iconically recognisable. You know none of them. However, some catch your eye as familiar until you take a second look. They are certainly not cheap generic-property knockoffs to avoid copyright infringement. It's just a coincidence.
 
         A big number: 2 marks the landing to the next floor.
     }

assets/interactions/cinema_f4r4.ink

@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ Her: No. It´s fine. You can sit down in the front as well. Just there will be f
                 Her: I need some space to perform. Just keep a little bit of a distance.
                 ++++ [Sit down across the aisle] You just sit down in the first seat across the aisle from her. -> f4r4.the_show
                 ++++ [Take a seat two places away from her]
-                    You shimmy into the aisle where she is and sit down with a double seat of space to her. A side glance in her direction subjects ruffely knit fabrics and jangling bracelets.
+                    You shimmy into the aisle where she is and sit down with a double seat of space to her. A side glance in her direction subjects ruffled knit fabrics and jangling bracelets.
                     -> f4r4.the_show
                 ++++ [Sit down in the back row]
                     You´d actually prefer to sit in the back row. So you go and take your seat, your back against the wall, with the whole theatre in view.
@@ -152,7 +152,7 @@ Her: No. It´s fine. You can sit down in the front as well. Just there will be f
 
         You can just make out a hand with long, pink acrylic nails and glittering rings gesturing to a place two seats away from her.
 
-        You shimmy into the aisle and take the seat. A side glance in her direction subjects ruffely knit fabrics and jangling bracelets.
+        You shimmy into the aisle and take the seat. A side glance in her direction subjects ruffled knit fabrics and jangling bracelets.
         -> f4r4.the_show
     * [Sit down across the aisle from her]
         You sit down in the first seat across the aisle from her.
@@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ Her: No. It´s fine. You can sit down in the front as well. Just there will be f
         -> f4r4.the_performer
 * (bunny)[Make the shadow figure of a bunny, to run from the wolf]
     You position your hands to make the figure of a bunny.
-    ++ It´s ears wiggle nervously. [] The ears of the wolf twitch in turn, with anticipation.
+    ++ Its ears wiggle nervously. [] The ears of the wolf twitch in turn, with anticipation.
     ++ It rubs its nose with its front paws in an attempt to be too cute to be eaten. [] But there is only a low hungry growl from the back of the theatre.
     --
     Your bunny decides to make a run for it.
@@ -194,12 +194,12 @@ Her: No. It´s fine. You can sit down in the front as well. Just there will be f
     ++ [The bunny flees across the screen]
         Your bunny hops across the screen. You have to be fast and clever and change directions often to get away from the monster chasing you.
         --
-        Soon you are short of breath and turn once more to see the wolf mid air just above you. Maw wide, ready to consume you. The running is over. You only have a second to decide what to do.
+        Soon you are short of breath and turn once more to see the wolf mid-air just above you. Maw wide, ready to consume you. The running is over. You only have a second to decide what to do.
 
         ++ [Accept your fate]
             So you accept your fate and cower the bunny down in a final primal reflex, before the wolf is on top of you and swallows you whole.
 
-            You are blacked out by the shape of it for a moment and can see the hands raised above the seats silhouetted against the rays of beamer light. Maybe it is just the perspective or something but they seem gigantic.
+            You are blacked out by the shape of it for a moment and can see the hands raised above the seats silhouetted against the rays of beamer light. Maybe it is just the perspective or something, but they seem gigantic.
 
             Then the shadow of the wolf moves beside you again. The light punches you in the face and it wags its tail. A voice comes from the back of the room.
 
@@ -437,7 +437,7 @@ Her: No. It´s fine. You can sit down in the front as well. Just there will be f
                 Her: Hmmm. OK? What are you supposed to be?
             ----
         ---
-        Her: I possibly see the tiniest bit of talent here. Maybe if you work at it we could make a show together. If you try to upstage me you are out, though.
+        Her: I possibly see the tiniest bit of talent here. Maybe if you work at it, we could make a show together. If you try to upstage me, you are out, though.
         -> f4r4.apprentice
 * [Try to replicate the wolf]
     You try to figure out how exactly the shape of the wolf is made and to interlock your own fingers to replicate the effect.
@@ -505,7 +505,7 @@ It scuffs its hoofs, rears up and charges you.
 
             As you get back up again you see the shadow unicorn is already on top of you. Trampling you to death instead.
 
-            Her: There serves you right you jumping Jack. Are you trying to steal my scene? You know for a moment there I thought this was kind of fun. Tell me: what are your acting references?
+            Her: There, serves you right, you jumping Jack. Are you trying to steal my scene? You know, for a moment there I thought this was kind of fun. Tell me: what are your acting references?
             ++++ [Get impaled]
             ---
         ---
@@ -549,7 +549,7 @@ It scuffs its hoofs, rears up and charges you.
     ++ [Just wanted to make it a bit more interesting.]
         You: Just wanted to make it a bit more interesting.
 
-        Her: Convince me of your acting talent first. We can work-shop it once I have decided you are worth it to share a stage with me.
+        Her: Convince me of your acting talent first. We can workshop it once I have decided you are worth it to share a stage with me.
 
         The unicorn charges again.
 
@@ -560,11 +560,11 @@ It scuffs its hoofs, rears up and charges you.
 
             As you get back up again you see the shadow unicorn is already on top of you. Trampling you to death.
 
-            Her: There serves you right you jumping Jack. Are you trying to steal my scene? Tell me: what are your acting references?
+            Her: There, serves you right, you jumping Jack. Are you trying to steal my scene? Tell me: what are your acting references?
             ++++ [Get impaled]
             ---
     --
-    You try even harder for your second death scene. Now that you know you have an appreciative scene partner and audience. You cheat to the side of the screen to see the unicorn and its movement. It has got you through the solarplexus and you convulse with the jerks of its head. When it finally pulls its horn up and out, you go with the movement and fall face first to the floor. You just about manage to make it a stage fall and not knock your teeth out on the thin scratchy carpet.
+    You try even harder for your second death scene. Now that you know you have an appreciative scene partner and audience. You cheat to the side of the screen to see the unicorn and its movement. It has got you through the solar plexus and you convulse with the jerks of its head. When it finally pulls its horn up and out, you go with the movement and fall face first to the floor. You just about manage to make it a stage fall and not knock your teeth out on the thin scratchy carpet.
 
     You stay on the floor until you hear clapping.
 
@@ -575,7 +575,7 @@ It scuffs its hoofs, rears up and charges you.
     * [I actually have a degree in acting.] You: I actually have a degree in acting.
         Her: Well, there is no such thing as a legitimate art adjudication, you know.
     * [I am just a natural.] You: I am just a natural.
-        Her: Ha. Sure thing sweety. Don't talk about a natural, when I´m at the table.
+        Her: Ha. Sure thing sweety. Don't talk about a natural when I´m at the table.
     -
     Her: I can accept this as a first audition, I think. I know I´m hard to impress. The competition is very absent, though. But I think I really saw a bit of style in there. Deep, deep down. Maybe I can make a passable partner of you. Yas. I totally see the vision.
     -> f4r4.snacksharing
@@ -583,7 +583,7 @@ It scuffs its hoofs, rears up and charges you.
 = snacksharing
 You go up the aisle towards the dark silhouette. It is too dark to make much out. When you are a few rows away you see the form move. You see arms and shoulders and above them something which is not the shape of a head.
 
-When you are at her row, she is just stepping out onto the aisle. Her high heeled shoes make no sound on the carpet. She straightens her frilly dress and puts one of the straps that slipped off her shoulder back in its rightful place.
+When you are at her row, she is just stepping out onto the aisle. Her high-heeled shoes make no sound on the carpet. She straightens her frilly dress and puts one of the straps that slipped off her shoulder back in its rightful place.
 
 When you look up to her face, your eyes adjust enough for you to see. A mess of long fingers unfurls itself into the clear shape of two gigantic but delicate hands, bedecked in rings and acrylic nails, growing from a slender neck with a y2K choker.
 
@@ -611,7 +611,7 @@ When you look up to her face, your eyes adjust enough for you to see. A mess of
 
         Her: Didn't even know they had those here. Sweet. But that's it. You should try some of the local sorts. They pack a little more ZING.
     - else:
-        Her: Hugh. Salty snacks. OK I guess. Sorry, I normally prefer sweets. But I'd still like to try some.
+        Her: Huh. Salty snacks. OK I guess. Sorry, I normally prefer sweets. But I'd still like to try some.
 
         She tears at the plastic wrapping and tosses a piece up into her hand which folds into a fist briefly. A second later, when her hand resumes the foxface the snack is gone.
 
@@ -624,7 +624,7 @@ When you look up to her face, your eyes adjust enough for you to see. A mess of
 + [I think she is scary.]
     You are a little intimidated.
 
-    Her: What? Don't worry, I don't bite. Well, Nah you've seen the worst of my bite down there during the show.
+    Her: What? Don't worry, I don't bite. Well, nah you've seen the worst of my bite down there during the show.
 
     One of her hands faces to the front and forms a snout with three fingers to the front while the Pinky and index finger perk up. She opens and closes the fingers a little as she talks. It looks like someone comically ventriloquising a hand puppet. It doesn't look genuine.
 
@@ -643,7 +643,7 @@ When you look up to her face, your eyes adjust enough for you to see. A mess of
 
         Her: Didn't even know they had those here. Sweet. But that's it. You should try some of the local sorts. They pack a little more ZING.
     - else:
-        Her: Hugh. Salty snacks. OK I guess. I normally prefer sweets. But I guess this is a total emergency situation.
+        Her: Huh. Salty snacks. OK I guess. I normally prefer sweets. But I guess this is a total emergency situation.
 
         She tears at the plastic wrapping and tosses a piece up into her hand which folds into a fist briefly. A second later, when her hand resumes the foxface the snack is gone.